As a therapist in Santa Rosa specializing in helping adults recover their mental health during and after a divorce, I often get ask, “How do I find the right divorce therapist for me?”

Sonoma County has one of the highest divorce rates in all of California. Based on data from 2021, the divorce rate in Sonoma County is approximately 11.3% of its population over the age of 15 (according to the US Census Bureau: American Community Survey 2021 S1201). By comparison: Sacramento County is at 10.3%, Marin County 11.6%, San Francisco 7.9%, San Mateo 7.4%, and Santa Clara 7%.

While divorce is common in our communities, it can feel isolating going through this process. Typically, the first thing individuals search for are legal and financial professionals but forget the importance of also getting support for their mental health. Here’s how to find an experienced and qualified divorce therapist in Santa Rosa:

Sonoma County: Health Insurance, In-Network Providers and HMOs?

When searching for a therapist for support during or after a divorce, most people start with a list given to them from their insurance company with names of therapists contracted with that insurance company (also referred to as in-network therapists).

Illustration of various symbols representing health insurance companies — Did you know that if you utilize your health insurance benefits to pay for mental health care that the health insurance company has full and legal access to ALL the psychotherapy notes your therapist takes about your sessions?

These are therapists that directly bill your insurance company and you pay either a copay or a percentage of coinsurance, depending on your plan.

I go into my detail about using insurance for your therapy in my blog post: Finding a Therapist in Santa Rosa.

Depending on the area you live in, oftentimes these lists from health insurance companies are actually “ghost networks.”

This is a new term coined to describe the lists insurance companies give to their members that do not accurately represent therapists who are available to take new clients for a variety of reasons (some have died, retired, some are no longer contracted with the insurance company, have incorrect contact information, and many are full, not accepting new clients).

Some health insurance HMO companies have in-house psychiatry or mental health departments that directly assign you with a therapist. Unfortunately, this system usually does not let you pick your therapist, it is extremely difficult to change therapists, and you likely will be working with a “generalist” therapist- not someone who specializes in the issues you are dealing with.

This can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging for someone looking for a therapist, so I do not recommend therapy seekers start this way.

Asking for Referrals of Divorce Therapists in Santa Rosa

3 women sitting casually on a fence at a park looking at one another affectionately and compassionately.

Alternatively, I recommend therapy seekers start with either asking for referrals from friends and family, or doing a simple online search for therapists near your area. You might even try asking your divorce lawyer if they have therapists to refer you to.

You can learn a lot about a therapist from their website, online therapy directory listing or a friends/family description of how the therapist works with their clients.

It can feel odd starting with finding a therapist you like first, rather than finding a therapist based on insurance coverage but therapy is unlike any other medical service you might seek, so it takes a different approach.

The #1 Most Important Factor in Choosing the Right Divorce Therapist

A woman in therapy sitting cross legged with shoes off sitting on couch and smiling torwards her divorce therapist — Finding a therapist you truly feel comfortable with should be your priority in choosing a divorce therapist.

Research shows that the therapeutic alliance is the most important factor in the outcomes of therapy for clients. It’s common that people drop out of therapy early due to not connecting well with their therapist.

What is the point of getting a good price if you don’t benefit from the service?

A therapeutic alliance is when you feel a strong connection with your therapist, feel understood, feel comfortable opening up and having confidence that your therapist has the knowledge and skill to help you in your particular area of struggle.

How To Use Google to Find Divorce Therapists in Santa Rosa

Screenshot of google search engine website

Instead of doing a general search, such as “Therapists in Santa Rosa, CA” try being a bit more specific. Try including some words to describe the type of therapy or the issue you are seeking to address. For example “divorce therapy in Santa Rosa, CA” will give you more specific results of therapists who specialize in working with this type of issue.

Create Lists of Your Top Therapist Picks and Start Making Some Calls!

From your research, create a list of 3 divorce therapists you liked.
Either call or email them, depending on what contact information they have listed for themselves. Don’t be discouraged if they don’t call you back or if they return your call telling you they are full! This takes time and persistence.
If you do get a call back from a therapist and they tell you they are full, make sure to be asked to be placed on their waitlist (if they have one) and ask if they know of other therapists in the area that practice similarly to them.
They might know of a colleague who also specializes in the same areas, but doesn’t have an online presence yet, or they might have a therapist intern working under them with availability.

Utilize a Therapists’ Free Phone Consultation

Once you are able to connect with a therapist with availability, make sure to take advantage of a free phone consultation that most therapists offer.

Woman looking out a window holding a cell phone to her ear while calling Santa Rosa Therapist for a free phone consult

This is a great time to ask them some questions and just get a general sense of how the therapist speaks with you. This is the time to ask them about if they take insurance, how they bill, their fees, as well as how they work with their clients.

Here are some great questions to ask:

How would you clients describe your style as a therapist?
Do you offer in-person or virtual therapy?
How long are your sessions and with what frequency do you see your clients?
What times are you available to see me? Did I get to reserve a weekly time slot?

What if my first session with a Divorce Therapist does not go well?

If you have a strong negative reaction to a therapist in the first session, trust your gut. This would include therapist being distracted in session, being disrespectful or giving you feedback/advice that does not fit your situation.

Two women talking to one another sitting in chairs and connecting in therapy Santa Rosa — Your therapist should be open to feedback from you if something they said or did bothered you. Speak up. If your therapist does not respond with empathy and understanding, this might be a red flag.

In the first few sessions the therapist should be trying to get to know you, so be on alert if the therapist immediately jumps in giving you advice when they don’t know the full story.

It doesn’t matter how many years of experience they have, how highly recommended they were or how impressive their resume of special trainings and certifications are IF you don’t feel comfortable and connected talking with them.

Alternatively, for many people it takes a few sessions to get comfortable with a new therapist, and that is totally normal so give it time. Each week it should feel like your therapist is getting more attuned with you and your needs, and that you are moving forward towards your goals.

Get connected with Divorce Therapist in Santa Rosa

Angela Sitka, Santa Rosa Therapist based in Santa Rosa wearing dark blue top and white jeans smiling while sitting in a field. — Angela Sitka is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist with private practice based out of Santa Rosa, CA and online throughout state of California. She specializes in individual therapy for women dealing with breakups, divorce and toxic relationships.

I hope this article gives you some next steps to take in finding the right divorce therapist for you in Santa Rosa.

If you are ready to find a new path forward towards a peaceful and purposeful life, I am here to help you with online counseling offered to anyone residing in California and in-person divorce counseling for Sonoma County.

Skip the phone tag and schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation into my online calendar here!

You get to pick your time and get confirmation I will call you at that time. We talk for 15 minutes and decide if I might be a good fit. No pressure, just information and support. I look forward to hearing from you!

Find the Right Divorce Therapist in Santa Rosa